naif

Labels: lyrics

Labels: whatever thoughts

A lot of things has happened since the last time I wrote. Fortunately, all those things have made these nine-supposedly-miserable days goes faster than I thought. Unfortunately, not all of those things are good news, some are really really bad news.

Where should I start? Hm..

Well it was the CO's visit, so that kept me pretty busy for a whole week. I went out service everyday, started with early morning service at 7 am most of the days. The service meetings are held twice everyday, very informative and such a great source of encouragement! I wish they make the same arrangements back home. They should!
Oh, let me tell you something funny.. The CO didn't know me, of course, since I'm relatively new in the congregation. But he know that I'm related to my sister, so he know that I am Indonesian. I told him my last name when I introduced myself, but I guess it was too hard for him. So for the whole week he called me "sister Indonesia" hahaha! I think it's kind of cute. The others started to call me "sister Indonesia" too, if only I can call them all "brother America" or "sister America" huh? haha! Eventually at the end of the week he was able to call me by my last name. Even though he mispronounce it, I really appreciate it 'cause he said he's been practicing it all night haha.. What an excellent example on showing a sincere personal interest!

On the weekend, I had really bad cramps. It's one of those pain on your lower stomach when you're having your period. I don't know if it's just me not being used to it, but I'm telling you, it's really painful!! Literally, I was like screaming in pain. Well, that's one of the bad news happened to me. But despite all the pain that day, I manage to went out early morning service and attend the memorial for a sister in our hall who died of a cancer. It was a sad morning..

Another thing happened is even more awfully horribly extremely sad. My uncle died on January 9th, 2006, around 2 am West Indonesian Time. He was my mom's older brother, a great uncle and a good man. I was really sad, and I bet so did mom.. To imagine losing one of your sibling when you're thousands miles away in the other side of the world in Mexico! Must be really depressing..

Monday and Tuesday, 9th and 10th of January, I had school orientation at CCSN. It was fun and very exciting! I met new friends, Japanese, Korean, Malaysian and so on. Those two days really makes me even more excited to start school, I can't wait! But then.. all those excitement turns into a deep frustration. Why? Because *HELLOW* I still don't have my student status yet and that means I can't registered for any classes yet! How depressing is that?! School will officially start in a week and I still haven't heard a thing from the immigration?! Even though my status comes out next week (hopefully!) that still means that I'll be late for class registration, meaning that all the classes will be full by that time, meaning it's not going to be easy to get 12 credits classes, meaning there's a possibility that my I-20 will be canceled, meaning my student status can also be canceled, meaning..? Yes, I'll be deported. Kicked out from this country. NOOOO!!
Oh and you know what, I went to the immigration today (much thanks to Naomi and Jack for taking me all the way there), hoping I can get an answer on my status. Well guess what, they didn't let me in 'cause apparently I need to make an appointment first on the internet! What?! All that gas and driving for nothing?! I was mad and depressed and sad and frustrated, all together. C'mon, school starts next week!!
Oh. Wait. There's more.
As soon as I got home, I went straight online and made an appointment. And what's the soonest appointment date I got? Next week!! N-E-X-T--W-E-E-K.

Excuse me for being paranoid, but I have all the reasons to be paranoid.
I am completely paranoid.
Really.

Well, At least there's one good thing going to happen today. My mom and sister is coming back this afternoon. My brother in law and I are picking them up at the airport pretty soon.

*sigh*

I hope things will work out..
Let's just see what happens next.

-----

-- in loving memory --

Pernah gak sih lo ngerasa kalo diri lo tuh egois banget?

Oke oke, kalimat pembukaan gue mungkin terdengar agak-agak terlalu berlebihan over-dramatis gimana gitu ya..
Gini deh, pernah gak sih lo merasakan sekaligus dua emosi yang berbeda dan bertentangan dalam diri lo? Kayak.. benci tapi rindu, malu tapi mau, sebel tapi seneng? Rasanya pasti seperti dilema banget ya, bener gak sih?

Persis seperti cerita berikut ini..

Adalah seorang pianis bernama Adrienne, sedang gundah dan sedih hatinya malam ini. Bundanya dan Kakaknya, Patty, akan pergi meninggalkan dirinya esok pagi sekali. Mereka akan berlibur ke negeri indah dengan kapal pesiar nan megah, tanpa dirinya. Bukannya mereka begitu kejam tidak mengajak Adrienne tersayang dan menelantarkannya dengan sengaja, bukan. Masalahnya, Adrienne tidak dapat meninggalkan negeri tempat domisilinya untuk saat ini karena satu dan lain hal. Meskipun demikian, sang bunda dan kakak memutuskan untuk tetap pergi berlibur ke negeri indah tadi walau tanpa Adrienne . Malang sekali Adrienne..

Sudah sejak mula tercetusnya rencana liburan itu, Adrienne dengan mati-matian merengek dan membujuk sang bunda untuk jangan pergi meninggalkan dirinya.
"Kita bertiga bisa berlibur bersama ke tempat yang lebih dekat dari sini, tidak perlu keluar dari negeri ini, bukankah kebersamaan kita hal yang paling penting?" debat Adrienne. Tetapi apa daya, Bunda dan Patty sudah membulatkan hati mereka untuk melakukan perjalanan ini. Kata-kata Adrienne tidak berarti banyak bagi mereka, terutama bagi Bunda yang bertindak sebagai pembuat keputusan.

Maka dilandalah hati Adrienne dengan dilema emosi yang sangat mengganggu.

Batinnya berdialog demikian..
"Mereka tega sekali meninggalkan diriku, liburan itu toh bisa kita lakukan bersama di lain waktu saat aku sudah bisa keluar-masuk negeri ini dengan bebas! Mengapa harus saat ini juga dikala aku tak bisa ikut? Bunda dan Patty akan bersenang-senang dan menikmati liburan yang menakjubkan, dan mereka sama sekali tidak peduli kalau diriku sendirian disini dalam kebosanan. Bukankah Bunda datang jauh-jauh ke negeri ini untuk dapat bersama dengan diriku dan menghabiskan waktu sebanyak mungkin dengan diriku? Adakah diriku sedikitpun dalam prioritas kunjungannya kemari? Mengapa Bunda justru meninggalkan diriku? Tidak sadarkan beliau bahwa aku tak lagi dapat bersamanya untuk satu tahun ke depan?
Aku benci mereka sekarang. Aku benci yang mereka lakukan. Aku benci mereka meninggalkan diriku demi liburan mewah itu.
Aku juga benci orang-orang itu yang membantu mereka mengurus liburan ini. Aku benci orang-orang itu yang dapat bersama Bundaku selama seluruh 9 hari diatas pesiar itu. Dia Bundaku! Bukan Bundamu, bukan saudaramu, bukan kakakmu, bukan tantemu, bukan! Dia Bundaku..
I don't care if you all went to the cruise of a lifetime, just don't take my mother with you!"

Kemarahan Adrienne selalu memuncak setiap kali keluh kesahnya terpancing. Beban hatinya seperti menjadi berlipat ganda dan menyesakkan nafasnya. Tidak jarang Adrienne menangis sendiri dalam selimutnya sejak ditebusnya pembayaran liburan itu oleh Bunda dan Patty.

Namun kerap kali pula Adrienne berbicara sendiri dalam hatinya..
"Sudahlah. Bunda kan sudah tidak muda lagi. Ia sudah bekerja keras sekian lama dan melakukan banyak sekali pengorbanan demi diriku, Bunda pastinya layak mendapat liburan terbaik di dunia ini. Bunda layak melakukan apa saja yang ingin Ia lakukan, termasuk liburan di kapal pesiar. Mengapa aku jadi begitu egois? Hanya memikirkan diriku sendiri, harus apa mauku dan apa kataku. Aku kan masih muda, aku pun dapat naik kapal pesiar lain waktu di masa depan, masih banyak kesempatan. Lagipula, coba pikirkan kakakku yang satunya lagi, Rina. Ia sekarang sendirian jauh disana, namun tak sekali pun kudengar keluhannya. Rina justru sibuk melakukan pekerjaan mulia di kampung halaman kami, ia tidak peduli tentang kapal pesiar dan negeri yang indah, ia mungkin hanya ingin Bunda kami senang dan menikmati liburannya.. Betapa egoisnya diriku!!"

Gejolak dua emosi dalam hati Adrienne telah menyita seluruh pikirannya, Adrienne sungguh tersesat dalam batinnya.. bahkan sampai detik ini.

Labels: stories of my life